I'm incredibly surprised, but it seems like this school year might end up surprisingly nice. I've gotten rid of three useless subjects that pulled my grades down, I got the two subjects I wanted for graduation (bio and geo), and with bio I also got my fav teacher, so that's awesome. The workload is going to be a bit bigger than last year, but we won't have not even half the number of exams we had last year, and the themes we're going to be learning about are a lot more cooler and interesting (WWs in history for example). The ambience is so much better too, I really missed my friends and schoolmates and it's just a whole much friendlier atmosphere, even if the weather is sh*tty haha
I also got a bit more motivation back for drawing, and I've started to take riding more lightly, so now I'm just waiting for something to happen while focusing on myself for the time being. Working on for school in advance, working out and eating healthy is keeping me happy, so yeah, maybe I was wrong.. maybe this year won't be the end of me
I will definitely have a lot to do soon and won't have much time for art, but I just feel it's all going to go down much more smoothly than last year
At least it seems I'll have motivation to deal with HARPG when I'll have the time.
Well, I figured I might as well warn you before-hand this time, as I've just realized you'll probably see very little of my art in the future.
It's partly because school will be starting in Monday again, and as this is my final year of high school - all hell is going to break loose on the first day. And the saddest part is, I am sort of excited to go back into those dull hallways and sit behind a desk for eight hours a day, snoozing through explanations.. because at least I'll have a distraction of some sort. A distraction from horses.
The riding situation is just absolutely f*cking ridiculous. I won't even go into explaining the latest development as just a mere mention of it now brings me on the verge of tears. It was absolutely horrifying when I went to the nationals this Sunday and watched the finale, seeing my friends ride and some of them place well and such .. It was awesome to see them again after a month, I had no idea how much I missed those girls, but at the same time, it just felt awful. I was there, but I didn't really belong there, not in the right sense. I should be there with them all weekend, with a horse to ride of my own, showing, having fun with my friends, helping each-other out and cheering each-other on. Instead, I spent the first two days sleeping in my dark room pretending that I don't exist, afraid to go there, and well, only now I realized it was probably the smartest thing I could have done .. being at the showgrounds, around horses and seeing everyone but me compete for three days straight would just drive me mad. Just one day of it kind of did.
I think I will either come back from this stronger than ever or crash and burn and never recover again. If school turns for the worse too, well then I'm pretty sure it's going to be the second thing.
I hope my motivation for my pathetic existence let alone art will come back sometime soon. As much as I want to continue with DNS, shows and all the new stories I have in mind, I think seeing more shows and horses, even if fictional and made of pixels would only rub it in even more that I haven't been in a saddle for two months now, and surely won't be for another month - at the very least, and if it's going to happen at all. And if it does, well ... after all that's happened, I have as little as no hope that I'll get anything decent to put a saddle on.
Sucks that horses and riding mean so much to me that having them being taken away means a mental breakdown and a total lack of interest in any further existence.
(I hate myself for ranting to you guys, but I seriously just needed to get that out of me as there is literally not a SINGLE person in my life right now that I could talk to about this. I've become such a huge complainer around here and I hate that. I'll try and better myself, I promise)